Unfaithful

For two weeks now, I have stayed faithful to my computer. My hard drive died on January 29th 2010, may it rest in peace. Although I have since bought a new hard drive, my computer still lies lifeless and cold. It amazes me that despite enquiring on both sides of the atlantic, my quest for a windows cd is no closer to being completed. All good things one day come to an end, sometimes prematurely. My dear Dell will just have to come to terms with the fact that it no longer has exclusive claims on The Reflector...

Not having a functioning computer in my room has opened my eyes to how dependent we are on computers. I can hardly imagine life as a university student without computers, despite it being reality only one generation ago. The amount of time I all of a sudden find on my hands is also rather alarming. Without my computer I actually have time to do other things; like reading and talking to people - imagine.

Although there is no doubt that I would have liked to have my computer up and running in time for the live streams of the olympics, which begin this week-end - friends come to the rescue, as they always do. This next week no less than four of my american friends are coming to London, one of whom will come bearing a mac. Without getting onto the subject of macs, lets just content ourselves with the fact that the olympics will be greatly appreciated - Holbein House, Evelyn Gardens being no exchoeption...

good for you

Games being cancelled can be annoying. Today my university volleyball team was playing away - at least that's what we thought. Walking back to halls, along the south bank of the Thames, I met two runners headed in the opposite direction; the second of whom was an overweight woman. As I was trying not to stare at her, I thought, "good for her." Now, I must confess that wasn't the first thought that crossed my mind when I saw her, but in my defence it didn't take me many seconds to change perspective.

I spend far too much time worrying about what people think. Chameleons may look cool at first glance, but who wants to be one - or have one as a friend for that matter. Last week I read my friend's post about being a hippie, and it really made me think.
http://ispeakinglish.blogspot.com/2010/01/i-want-something-more.html

Ever since I was a young kid I've wanted to be the stressed out, successful businessman on the London Underground; complete with suit, briefcase and shiny black shoes. Sometimes I forget what I really want theough, this post reminded me. I used to dream of moving to Africa, somewhere kids don't have the opertunity to go to school - and to change that. I wanted to found and run a school that was active in the community, and not only teach text-book stuff that most of the kids there never would need anyway. I didn't want to just be a teacher, I wanted to make a real difference. This may all sound like a huge cliché, and I have come to doubt that I will live the majority of my life in Africa. Yet I don't want to give up on my dream. I really do want to make a difference. My biannual depression is caused either by being over-, or under-worked. Either way life seems very dreary and pointless. I've stopped believing in merely surviving today in hope of a brighter tomorrow; ironically tomorrow turns out to be yet another today.

Sermons sometimes annoy me. Especially those in which the preacher endorses a multitude of professions for Christians. It is not that I don't believe in the principle, but I disagree with the limitations. Even if the list expounds upon the holy trinity of "doctor, nurse and teacher," the general message is still the same: A good Christian should work with people, and preferably in a role that provides the opertunity to offer others advice. Now, if this actually was the case, surely hairdresser would be on the list. After all, it is far easier to have a personal conversation with someone running hot water through your hair and lathering in shampoo, before cutting it; than with an authoritative superior telling you all the ways in which you need to change your lifestyle, while sitting on an uncomfortable wooden chair in a sterile white room. Or how about working at an airport - that's certainly a place in which you can make a difference for stressed out people.

The job you have isn't important, what you make of it is. I want to be involved with initiatives that give my life purpose away from work. Reading Chelsea's blog also made me realise that I need my life to be fulfilling, and to have have purpopse now - while I'm studying. If I can't both study and be content; maybe I shouldn't be studying. I'm determined to make it work.

why should I care

Why do you care?

Men often complain that they do not understand women; some women claim to understand men. Often we don't understand ourselves. Sometimes I surprise myself, I do things I wouldn't expect the person I imagine myself to be, to do.

A few years ago I visited my brother while he was living in Poland. I remember him saying something about nationalism being stupid. Why should I feel an affinity to a sportsperson or musician from my country? Why should I feel proud, or in in fact more often ashamed, of the performance of the Norwegian football team? What decides which people or things we choose to associate ourselves with?

It can actually be quite interesting to consider which people I've made an effort to become friends with since moving to London. The first couple of weeks were full of events for getting to know people. Looking back now, it shocks me how natural it is to decide whether or not you want to get to know the person facing you - even before a single word has been spoken. He never even stood a chance. What makes you write someone off? Things like this say surprisingly much about us, uncomfortable as it may be; reflection is important.

This year I bought myself a Christmas present for the first time. When I graduated high school I was voted the funniest grouch by my peers. At times I've even been said to resemble eeyore. For as long as I can remember I've had the reputation of being rather pessimistic and negative. Despite not being willing to give up the core of my character, I have discovered the power of positive thinking. So behind drawn curtains, when no one is looking I peak into my "inspirations calendar 2010." The cover reads "The secret to happiness is not in doing what one likes to do, but in liking what one has to do." It's deeper than you think, there is some truth beneath the cliché. This calendar of mine also sheds some light on the mystery of friendship; this may very well in fact be my favourite quote so far: "A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." There is a profound beauty in friendship, true friendship is amazing. It leaves me thinking about how we choose friends. Why do I let some people in and shut others out. What makes me willing to walk three extra miles with one person, but give another the cold shoulder? Real friends stick by each other through adversity, even if one hurts the other. Yet if someone else had hurt me in that way I might never speak to him again.

Friends are picked for reasons as vain as their nationality.
I wonder how many friends I've shrugged off.