why should I care

Why do you care?

Men often complain that they do not understand women; some women claim to understand men. Often we don't understand ourselves. Sometimes I surprise myself, I do things I wouldn't expect the person I imagine myself to be, to do.

A few years ago I visited my brother while he was living in Poland. I remember him saying something about nationalism being stupid. Why should I feel an affinity to a sportsperson or musician from my country? Why should I feel proud, or in in fact more often ashamed, of the performance of the Norwegian football team? What decides which people or things we choose to associate ourselves with?

It can actually be quite interesting to consider which people I've made an effort to become friends with since moving to London. The first couple of weeks were full of events for getting to know people. Looking back now, it shocks me how natural it is to decide whether or not you want to get to know the person facing you - even before a single word has been spoken. He never even stood a chance. What makes you write someone off? Things like this say surprisingly much about us, uncomfortable as it may be; reflection is important.

This year I bought myself a Christmas present for the first time. When I graduated high school I was voted the funniest grouch by my peers. At times I've even been said to resemble eeyore. For as long as I can remember I've had the reputation of being rather pessimistic and negative. Despite not being willing to give up the core of my character, I have discovered the power of positive thinking. So behind drawn curtains, when no one is looking I peak into my "inspirations calendar 2010." The cover reads "The secret to happiness is not in doing what one likes to do, but in liking what one has to do." It's deeper than you think, there is some truth beneath the cliché. This calendar of mine also sheds some light on the mystery of friendship; this may very well in fact be my favourite quote so far: "A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." There is a profound beauty in friendship, true friendship is amazing. It leaves me thinking about how we choose friends. Why do I let some people in and shut others out. What makes me willing to walk three extra miles with one person, but give another the cold shoulder? Real friends stick by each other through adversity, even if one hurts the other. Yet if someone else had hurt me in that way I might never speak to him again.

Friends are picked for reasons as vain as their nationality.
I wonder how many friends I've shrugged off.

Another chance

Sometimes I do really stupid things, like staying up all night before work, or releasing my frustration on people who only are trying to help. Yesterday was one of those days where I made decisions, only to regret them moments later. Having someone save our skin when we mess up is fantastic. People who really care and are willing to go the extra mile, even to save us from our own mistakes, are far between. God is often portrayed as being such a carachter, yet is He really someone we can trust? I mean, does He really make a difference, or does He just sit there somewhere watching us now and then from afar; if He exists at all that is.

Although I have a hard time believing that everything around me is here by chance, believing in God can seem as naïve as believing in Santa Claus. So I am torn, yet I need to decide, I cannot go through life without having made up my mind about the most fundamental question there is. I'd like to believe in God, I just don't feel I've experienced anything that cannot somehow be explained by other means. Today I decided to give God another chance. Believe it or not, I got what I asked for, I escaped the consequences of my erroneous decisions. On the other hand, it might just be a coinsidence. I did however tell God though, that if He came through I'd give Him another chance. So now I am. Although I may not be entirely certain what that may entail, I guess writing about it is my first step.