trust

I guess you could say I've been having trust issues. The Christian walk is built on trust. Trusting that God is in control, that he will reign victorious, and that He has our best interests in mind. Trust is also integral to prayer; prayer is founded on the belief that God listens, and trusting that prayer is more than good for the psyche. The Bible is full of stories of how God protected His people; those who remained faithful to Him. It tells us of the glorious victories God brought the nation of Israel, yet it tells us little of the men who fell in battle. The Bible is the story of how God intervened in history, not of how He didn't. One of the few authors that takes us behind the scenes, is the author of the book of Job. Although many people claim to take comfort in Job, I can't help but admit that I do not feel the same way. We are brought to the climax, the topic of interest - why did God allow Job to suffer? Only to fall belly first to the surface, "who are you to ask questions, just trust me."

We are told to trust in God, to step out on a limb for Him, He will take care of us. Yet great thinkers such as Solomon are left distraught at the apparent lack of differential treatment between the faithful and the ungodly, exclaiming "There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth: righteous men who get what the wicked deserve, and wicked men who get what the righteous deserve. This too, I say, is meaningless." To me, this speaks of a world where God does not intervene. He may well be there, observing from afar, but this does not vouch for the God who protects those who love Him. My mind could be at rest believing in this kind of a God. A God who because of the choices we made watches the consequences of sin unfold, until the day when enough is enough. This belief could go hand in hand with what I see. Perhaps this is why anger stirs somewhere inside me when I hear stories of how God saved someone's life; how God saved them to live another day because He still had a plan for their lives; because their work for God was not yet completed. Although this sounds like a pleasant sentiment, what does it imply for the lives of those who were not saved? You are left with some very unpleasant conclusions - although you may not be aware of this until disaster strikes a little closer to home. The Bible does not offer the rationale behind God's decisions in the book of Job, but perhaps Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived - perhaps he figured it out? Alas, no, Ecclesiastes ends on a similar note to Job: fear God, he deserves it.

Another chance

Sometimes I do really stupid things, like staying up all night before work, or releasing my frustration on people who only are trying to help. Yesterday was one of those days where I made decisions, only to regret them moments later. Having someone save our skin when we mess up is fantastic. People who really care and are willing to go the extra mile, even to save us from our own mistakes, are far between. God is often portrayed as being such a carachter, yet is He really someone we can trust? I mean, does He really make a difference, or does He just sit there somewhere watching us now and then from afar; if He exists at all that is.

Although I have a hard time believing that everything around me is here by chance, believing in God can seem as naïve as believing in Santa Claus. So I am torn, yet I need to decide, I cannot go through life without having made up my mind about the most fundamental question there is. I'd like to believe in God, I just don't feel I've experienced anything that cannot somehow be explained by other means. Today I decided to give God another chance. Believe it or not, I got what I asked for, I escaped the consequences of my erroneous decisions. On the other hand, it might just be a coinsidence. I did however tell God though, that if He came through I'd give Him another chance. So now I am. Although I may not be entirely certain what that may entail, I guess writing about it is my first step.