good for you

Games being cancelled can be annoying. Today my university volleyball team was playing away - at least that's what we thought. Walking back to halls, along the south bank of the Thames, I met two runners headed in the opposite direction; the second of whom was an overweight woman. As I was trying not to stare at her, I thought, "good for her." Now, I must confess that wasn't the first thought that crossed my mind when I saw her, but in my defence it didn't take me many seconds to change perspective.

I spend far too much time worrying about what people think. Chameleons may look cool at first glance, but who wants to be one - or have one as a friend for that matter. Last week I read my friend's post about being a hippie, and it really made me think.
http://ispeakinglish.blogspot.com/2010/01/i-want-something-more.html

Ever since I was a young kid I've wanted to be the stressed out, successful businessman on the London Underground; complete with suit, briefcase and shiny black shoes. Sometimes I forget what I really want theough, this post reminded me. I used to dream of moving to Africa, somewhere kids don't have the opertunity to go to school - and to change that. I wanted to found and run a school that was active in the community, and not only teach text-book stuff that most of the kids there never would need anyway. I didn't want to just be a teacher, I wanted to make a real difference. This may all sound like a huge cliché, and I have come to doubt that I will live the majority of my life in Africa. Yet I don't want to give up on my dream. I really do want to make a difference. My biannual depression is caused either by being over-, or under-worked. Either way life seems very dreary and pointless. I've stopped believing in merely surviving today in hope of a brighter tomorrow; ironically tomorrow turns out to be yet another today.

Sermons sometimes annoy me. Especially those in which the preacher endorses a multitude of professions for Christians. It is not that I don't believe in the principle, but I disagree with the limitations. Even if the list expounds upon the holy trinity of "doctor, nurse and teacher," the general message is still the same: A good Christian should work with people, and preferably in a role that provides the opertunity to offer others advice. Now, if this actually was the case, surely hairdresser would be on the list. After all, it is far easier to have a personal conversation with someone running hot water through your hair and lathering in shampoo, before cutting it; than with an authoritative superior telling you all the ways in which you need to change your lifestyle, while sitting on an uncomfortable wooden chair in a sterile white room. Or how about working at an airport - that's certainly a place in which you can make a difference for stressed out people.

The job you have isn't important, what you make of it is. I want to be involved with initiatives that give my life purpose away from work. Reading Chelsea's blog also made me realise that I need my life to be fulfilling, and to have have purpopse now - while I'm studying. If I can't both study and be content; maybe I shouldn't be studying. I'm determined to make it work.