trust

I guess you could say I've been having trust issues. The Christian walk is built on trust. Trusting that God is in control, that he will reign victorious, and that He has our best interests in mind. Trust is also integral to prayer; prayer is founded on the belief that God listens, and trusting that prayer is more than good for the psyche. The Bible is full of stories of how God protected His people; those who remained faithful to Him. It tells us of the glorious victories God brought the nation of Israel, yet it tells us little of the men who fell in battle. The Bible is the story of how God intervened in history, not of how He didn't. One of the few authors that takes us behind the scenes, is the author of the book of Job. Although many people claim to take comfort in Job, I can't help but admit that I do not feel the same way. We are brought to the climax, the topic of interest - why did God allow Job to suffer? Only to fall belly first to the surface, "who are you to ask questions, just trust me."

We are told to trust in God, to step out on a limb for Him, He will take care of us. Yet great thinkers such as Solomon are left distraught at the apparent lack of differential treatment between the faithful and the ungodly, exclaiming "There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth: righteous men who get what the wicked deserve, and wicked men who get what the righteous deserve. This too, I say, is meaningless." To me, this speaks of a world where God does not intervene. He may well be there, observing from afar, but this does not vouch for the God who protects those who love Him. My mind could be at rest believing in this kind of a God. A God who because of the choices we made watches the consequences of sin unfold, until the day when enough is enough. This belief could go hand in hand with what I see. Perhaps this is why anger stirs somewhere inside me when I hear stories of how God saved someone's life; how God saved them to live another day because He still had a plan for their lives; because their work for God was not yet completed. Although this sounds like a pleasant sentiment, what does it imply for the lives of those who were not saved? You are left with some very unpleasant conclusions - although you may not be aware of this until disaster strikes a little closer to home. The Bible does not offer the rationale behind God's decisions in the book of Job, but perhaps Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived - perhaps he figured it out? Alas, no, Ecclesiastes ends on a similar note to Job: fear God, he deserves it.

life insurance

There's nothing like blogging to escape from studying.... It's the perfect excuse, might even qualify as being constructive. Today I've pretty much stayed in bed all day; trying to kill a bug I picked up a couple of days ago, before it gets too snug and comfortable. To be fair, being sick is another great excuse for mindlessly letting the day slip away. This is why I'm not giving myself too hard a time about having been unproductive today, though I did promise myself I'd spend a couple of hours working on my lab report. Fourty five minutes ago I finally got a grip, sat myself down at my desk in front of my computer, and got started. It didn't last long though, hence this post and all my excuses.

On Friday night I lay in bed with a pen, a pencil and a Bible. Hearing about Kirsten being killed in Micronesia made my most prominent issue with Christianity surface with a splash. Isn't God supposed to protect the people that work for Him? Among others, I read all the chapters that had protect in them, both from the NIV and ESV. To my surprise I was actually enjoying myself, I was reminded of why I chose to spend a year of my life studying theology - it almost made me miss it. Although Christians explain the pain in the world as being the work of evil, not of God, they do not deny that God has the power to intervene. This view, shared by the ancient Jews, but to a more radical extent, is evident in the Old Testament (2 Samuel 24, 1 Chronicles 21) where two authors telling the same story disagree on whether God or Satan instigated events. Bible critics love passages such as these; how could two passages which contradict each other so blatantly be inspired by the same God. Jews can live with the contradiction quite happily though, ancient Jews especiallt, they saw everything that happened as coming from God; simply because allowing something to happen essentially is the same as doing it yourself.

My experience is that Christians agree with Jews in principle, but complicate issues by giving God the credit for that which is good, and the devil for that which is evil. Perhaps subconciously they try to seperate God from evil, which creates an oversimplistic dynamic that comes back to haunt them. Either God is intricately involved in everything that happens, or He set things in motion and is now watching things play out. The problem with distancing God from evil is that you essentially are left with a God intricately involved in all good things, but who suddenly sits back looking on from afar when we discuss the hurt in our lives. My mother was killed by accident, Kirsten was killed with intent; yet an omnipotent God could have kept them both from dying. In ancient Jewish perspective God might as well have killed them. Although this may seem troubling, this is also what Christians believe, they are just too afraid to say it - one might claim they have every reason to be. In a way it is similar to a doctor consciously deciding not to treat a mortally wounded patient who could be saved. This is a painful image, how can parents forgive and learn to love this doctor, whose patient was their daughter; or a son forgive the doctor who chose not to save his mother? Christians may not like this potrayal of their all-loving God, yet I believe it is essential that they accept that this is exactly what they claim to believe in. By claiming that God is not directly responsible, they essentially state that he was not capable of intervening- what kind of a god is that? It most definitely is not the God of the Bible.

Now, you may be wondering what this has to do with my biblical study of protection. I think most Christians believe that God protects them - perhaps He does. But I couldn't find a single text that promised God would protect those that believe in Him. Christians may be confused and angry when God lets their loved ones die, but do they have any reason to be? Death, pain and suffering are facts of life on earth, when did God promise Christians preferential treatment?

past or present, insight or bliss

Earlier I wrote that I needed a clean slate, a chance to invent a new me. Over the past few weeks I have begun to realise that there is little point in running from your past; it runs faster than you think. However far you go, sooner or later your past will catch up with you. Rather than leaving my past behind, I have discovered that I must learn to live with my past. I don't need to let the past determine my future, but I must deal with it nonetheless; the good as the bad.

Whether you believe the bible to be fact or fiction, one of the greatest stories of perseverence and devotion ever written is the story of Joseph. Despite being sold as a slave by his own brothers, being thrown in prison by his master who he had served impeccably, and being forgotten in prison by a man he had helped when in distress; Joseph still found the strength to carry on somewhere. The story potreys god as his source of refuge, his source of strength.

As a child I found the term "traumatic childhood" intriguing for some reason, almost to the extent that I wished I could claim that I had one. Well, some years later I remembered this when filling out a form asking whether or not I had had a traumatic childhood. I no longer knew what to answer. My mother, the person closest to me in the world, had been killed by a car when crossing the road a few years earlier. I could claim to have had a traumatic childhood, but it brought me no joy. I value the perseverence of Joseph, that he stayed true to god despite his hardship, and that with god's help some good could come as a result of all the horrific treatment he had received. Joseph's fortune later in life does not justify the torment of his youth, yet when he already had been sold as a slave he chose to make the most of it despite the bleak prospects. This is an attitude I admire, is there proof it comes from god though?

On multiple occasions I have told groups about how god is able to make the most of whatever the situation, yet can we not do this ourselves? After all, it is all about having the right attitude, the strength to fight on despite our situation. I attributed my ability to live on after the death of my mother to god, it was natural to do so; yet looking back, do I know he gave me the strength or may the strength have come from my belief in him? There is a difference, the first is based on the fact that god exists, the second takes no stand as to whether god exists or not. I guess the reason I began contemplating this was that I recognised that many others experience similar tragedies to mine; they live on, yet they do not necessarily belive in god. I wish I could thank god for everything he has done for me, but how can I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has done anything for me at all. Belief is bliss. Uncertainty is torment. Yet I would choose painful insight over blind bliss any day.